Top Ten Worst Film Remakes of All Time!

Well, some time ago, I gave you my the list of the top film remakes of all time. An old friend of mine asked me when I was going to do this for the worst film remakes. Well, I secluded myself, meditated, sequestered myself to ponder the myriad possibilities and the mysteries of the universe. Then I emerged, had a shave, a steak, an ice cold Coke, and started to type. Now, here it is. Because you asked for it, you got it!


#10 Godzilla (1998)

I like Roland Emmerich. I think he's a talented filmmaker and I honestly liked this movie when it came out. I think it's a horrible remake, a disgrace to the original, but a fun film nonetheless. With a $379 million worldwide haul it was definitely not a bomb. The critics overwhelmingly panned it but it has still managed to gain a cult following. Fans of the original 1954 classic, of which I consider myself one, have generally panned the film. Toho, creators of the original, have embraced this mockery and made the creature part of canon, albeit as a small sideline and unrelated to the real Godzilla. In having this new incarnation attack New York City, the film did throw a kink in the theory that the first thing these giant creatures do when they wake up is head straight for Tokyo. Also, we could have done without all the Godzilla "mini-me's".

#9 Planet of the Apes (2001)

'Nuff said, right! No, I'll go ahead and give you my two cents worth anyway. Mark Wahlberg as an astronaut! Not enough, still want more? This film is not a worthy successor to Charlton Heston's original, it just isn't! The film isn't convincing and all the special effects and makeup in the world aren't going to get the audience to invest emotionally and buy into the film. The original 1968 film might have been a product of that generation but it is still sacred, and still watchable. If you're going to attempt a remake, or a reboot as it were, try a different angle with better writing, better acting, such as in 2011's Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and the subsequent 2014 sequel. They got it right.

#8 The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008)

Opening to mixed reviews, this movie ended up with $233 million worldwide. That doesn't make it a good movie. I never invested in the whole Jennifer Connelly/Jaden Smith family dynamic and I believe that this movie furthers the stereotype that Jaden Smith is a good actor! A fan of Keanu Reeves I may be, but he is not a worthy successor to Michael Rennie of the original 1951 classic.

#7 The Wolfman (2010)

I tried to like this film. I honestly did! However, as fan of the original 1941classic, this incarnation just didn't stand up. The classic films were passionate and full of excitement, but this version had only marginally attention-grabbing moments and very little in the way of suspense. This film opened to just plain poor reviews and ended up grossing $139 million worldwide (on a $150 million budget, can you say flop!). It is hard to capture the thrill of the original Universal horror classics that many people grew up with, so why bother.

#6 A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

Okay, let's get one thing straight: Robert Englund is Freddy Krueger. That 's just the way it is. I recently watched a 4-hour documentary on the story of the entire Nightmare franchise. In it they discussed the idea of recasting the character for one of the sequels. The actor they hired tried, bless his heart, but just couldn't capture the energy or attitude that Englund brought to the character. It was a reality check and the studio met Englund's price and rehired him. I love Jackie Earle Haley but there was no way he was going to win this battle. Also, the original 1984film, and subsequent sequels, had a bit of humor and had more fun in the overall tone of the films. This one was just plain sad!

#5 When A Stranger Calls (2006)

"Have you checked the children?" Wow! In 1979, Columbia pictures took the urban legend and brought it to the big screen. It was scary to say the least, absolutely creepy! Not a classic film in terms of plot, but the beginning and ending were where it was at! This remake valiantly tried to modernize the story and tighten the plot of the original, but the gag is already known. There is no shock to be had. "We traced the call! It's coming from inside the house!" it's just not the same when you know it's coming...

#4 Arthur (2011)

Dudley Moore was a genius! Liza Minnelli was perfect in her role! Sir John Gielgud, for crying out loud! The original 1981 film was perfect! The character chemistry was perfect! We didn't need a remake! Why would anyone try to do this? I hope the studio executive who greenlit this travesty is wasting away in a dark dungeon somewhere. Helen Mirren must've thought she was signing on to some other film because I can't fathom how she was cajoled into wasting her talents in this drivel! If you are given a choice of whether to watch the original or watch this new version, do yourself a favor and watch Dudley Moore. With a $45 million worldwide gross, many film goers must've chose to do just that!


#3 The Bad News Bears (2005)

Do you remember this film? Probably not and for good reason! The original 1976 version had Walter Matthau's sad sacked coach up against the tough Tatum O'Neal. What did this one have? Billy Bob Thornton? Yeah, in the right circumstances his Bad Santa act could've worked but it just didn't come across. Bottom line, the new team lacked the appeal of the original. The film opened to mixed reviews and quickly sunk, grossing only $34 million worldwide!

#2 Psycho (1998)

What can I say about this film? Gus Van Sant... you disappoint me. Basically a shot-for-shot remake of the original 1960 Hitchcock classic. I studied the original intensely in one of my film classes. That film had layers to it! The scenery, the mood, every prop had a story, the mise-en-scene was brilliant! Van Sant just couldn't provide those layers in just duplicating what was already done once before; it just wasn't there for me.

#1 Rollerball (2002)

Oh, just a horrible movie all the way around! The original 1975 James Caan action-sci-fi film seemed so real, so visceral. In fact, there is an urban legend that that stunt men took the action so seriously that many actually died in the filming (they didn't, by the way, die; not take it serious, that they did). James Caan has gravitas, he's tough, believable. Chris Klein, ...ehhhh, not so much. Now if this film was about a Calvin Klein model forced into a runway model-off to the death, maybe he could pull it off. With a worldwide gross of only $26 million, this movie genuinely suuuuuucked!

Honorable Mentions! I got 'em:

Friday The 13th (2009)
Prom Night (2008)
Guess Who (2005)
Get Carter (2000)
Halloween (2007)
The Karate Kid (2010)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)